The BEEZE'S Holiday Balls

I told you they were BIG. I wanted to share one of the easiest recipes I've ever done with you. My wife got it from a friend at work...She was raving about them all the time....So we were having family over on Christmas Eve and she wanted me to make this meatball recipe....They're kinda like BBQ meatballs....This may sound gross....it did to me, but they came out awesome....I love these freakin' balls....So now they are my Holiday Balls.

Here's the recipe.......

1 JARS OF GRAPE JELLY - 2 lbs

2 JARS OF CHILI SAUCE - 12 oz each

2 or 3 BAGS OF MEATBALLS (ALREADY COOKED) - 1 pound each (regular, not Italian)

MIX TOGETHER IN CROCK POT

COOK A FEW HOURS

That's it.

Give my balls a try, and let me know what you think.

Later, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: Holiday Edition

Back for more Tales from the Fish House? This week I thought with it being the season of giving, I would share some tales from the many company Christmas parties the Fish House has had.

We've all heard the stories of office Christmas parties, where the boss is nailing his secretary, and the hot insecure chick is walking around with mistletoe just to be sure that guys pay attention, and keep her self-esteem up....Eventually she'll go home with one of them, or just go to a bathroom stall and get used, and continue to feel insecure...Then there's the creepy dude from the mail room...But this year some chick is going to get to know him. Really get to know the inner him...until she gets hammered, and then all she knows is he got in her, and everyone knows it.

Well Fish House parties weren't much different...I say weren't because the rich guys stopped having them when the realized they could make more money if they're open on Christmas Eve, instead of throwing a party for their hard working employees....But we had some good ones....I'm just gonna throw some examples at ya....But before that.....

You have to understand many of us in our youth really liked to drink, and maybe even liked to try out some drugs. Restaurant people work in restaurants because the white collar world frowns on us....Why? Because we don't hide our vices, and we tend to speak our mind....and we think sexual harassment is bullsh!t. That said on with the tales.....

One of the first things I think about, when I think about the good ole days is one of the owners of the Fish House, dressed up like Santa, with a bottle of vodka in one hand, and a 2' bong in the other, and a server, dressed like a slutty elf grinding on him....My how he's changed.

Then there was the GM who's wife was upstairs looking for him at the party, while he banging a server in the office...many of the staff members knew about this, because they kept going into the office to steal his blow, and watch the show...Everyone seemed to forget to tell him his wife was there. I was sitting with the kitchen manager at doing shots of whiskey, as we did a little play-by-play of the festivities.

There was one year I was getting sh!t faced with this server, and she is just going on, and on about being engaged, and she doesn't really love him, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....So after many drinks I got her to re-think this whole thing...She came home with me and spent Christmas Eve with the Beeze...She later broke things off with him, but we were just a X-mas Eve one-nighter... She his happily married to an old friend of mine now....See everything works itself out.

I remember one year, one of the owners wives coming up to me with mistletoe....Yeah, she was that chick....and yeah we made it to a stall...I did what I had to do, and so did she....I didn't feel bad about it at all...You want to know why? Her old man was in the stall next to us with a server....F**king freaks!!!

I think that should give you an idea...hell I'm getting a chubby just remembering all this sh!t.

Alright, how about another recipe....

You're gonna need more party ryes for this one. (see previous post)

This is a Corned Beef and Swiss Appetizer.

1pkg (8oz) Philly Cream Cheese (softened)

2 t. Grey Poupon

1/4 lb. corned beef (chopped)

1/2 cup Kraft Shredde Swiss Cheese

2 T chopped green onion

Party ryes

Pre-heat broiler.

Beat cream cheese, and mustard in medium bowl with electric mixer. medium speed. Blend well.

Add corned beef, swiss cheese, and onion. Mix well. Spread onto party ryes.

Place on baking sheet, broil for 3 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Merry Christmas....Keep cooking, and keep F**king.

Later, The BEEZE.

Hanky Panky

Sorry, I meant Hanky Pankies. Hanky Pankies are my favorite Holiday snack...Although those two chicks above look pretty tasty.

Now Hank Pankies aren't really a Holiday snack, but they've become a holiday tradition for my family....My Mom got the recipe many years ago from my Aunt at a Christmas party....From that point on she always made them around Christmas time...No other time, just Christmas.

I have kept the same tradition....They're easy to make, but for some reason, I only make them around Christmas....I just made a double batch today.

Here's the recipe......1 batch

Party Ryes

1 lb. of Bob Evans Sage Sausage

1 lb. Ground Beef

1 lb. Velveeta

1 t. of Oregano

1/2 t. Garlic salt

1 t. Worcestershire Sauce

S & P to taste

Saute meat and sausage in pan, add oregano, garlic salt, Worcestershire sauce, and s & p....When cooked, drain off the grease.

Cut Velveeta in chunks, and add to meat....low heat...mix...cover...mix well.

Let it cool a little...spoon on to party ryes....put them in the freezer.

When you're ready to eat them just heat them up in the oven at 350.

Enjoy....I'm gonna go stuff some in my gob right now.


Later, The BEEZE.

Pleeze Mrs. Beeze Chicken

This is a chicken dish my wife loves...I hope you enjoy it.

Take some extra virgin olive oil...mix in some fresh chopped basil, and some minced garlic.

take a couple of chicken breasts...still on the bone...much better flavor....Brush the oil, basil, and garlic mix on the chicken....add salt & pepper...Put them on a baking sheet and throw them in the oven at 350 degrees.....

after 20 minutes (time may vary based on size of breasts)....yeah I just had a dirty thought.....Put a nice slice of tomato on top of the chicken....Then on top of that put a nice slice of fresh mozzarella cheese...the good stuff.....

Put the chicken back in for 5 minutes...let that cheese ooze all over.

While that's going on saute some spinach in some olive oil, and garlic...don't forget S & P...there's no reason not to season.

Put spinach on plate....Put the chicken right on top....drizzle balsamic glaze over top of it all...If you can't find a balsamic glaze in the store, just reduce balsamic vinegar with some sugar in it...

Eat, enjoy, and have some sex.....

Later, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: Tapping the Keg

So this weeks tale is from back in my youth...My early 20s...I was a perv, and a loud mouth, and hit on everything that moved...So not much has changed.

There was this server...we'll call her Maureen...She was cool...Good looking...Liked to drink...Liked to poke some smot....We hung out, and had a friendly relationship....And when I say we had a friendly relationship, I mean there was some oral sex involved.

So one day I'm being a smart a$$ and I say, "Hey Maureen, you wanna go down to the beer cooler and let me tap your keg?" I know...It's a sh!t line....Whatever, I was f**king around. She says "I'll meet you in 5 minutes." Now I assume she's just f**king around right back.

--

A few minutes later I head down to the produce cooler to restock some stuff. The beer cooler attached to it...What do I see? Maureen waiting pants around her ankles, bent over a keg....'Are you sh!tting me?' is the thought in my head...The thought in my pants was 'Fuck Yeah!!!'

Now Maureen had what a black friend of mine called a "ghetto onion." Which means she had a nice, big, firm, a$$. How could I walk away?

So I close the door and head on over to get to work....As i was moving her panties to the side, she says....."F**k me in the a$$." I believe I heard a choir of angels singing....Who am I to say no to that request.

So that piece of sh!t line worked, and I tapped that keg. We continued to screw around for a little while, but she didn't last long....She wasn't a very good server. I think she quit, because she was getting the sh!tty shifts...pun intended. Once she left I didn't see her anymore.

--

I'm gonna skip the recipe tonight...I've got a bunch of stuff to get done for Christmas....Speaking of Christmas, if you haven't heard the world is getting a little to PC on Christmas now. Check it out....

--

http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2008/12/rudolph-bannedwtf.html

--

Later, The BEEZE.

Restaurant Review: Bistro On Lincoln Park

Originally posted Dec.14, 2008.

Tonight Mrs. Beeze and I went out for dinner at a new restaurant in Cleveland. As the title says it's called Bistro On Lincoln Park...here's a link to there site.....

http://www.bistroonlincolnpark.com/

A couple we have been friends with for a number of years own it. I had worked with Pete (owner and Chef) for many years, he's a great guy and very talented. His wife Megan, whom I've also worked with handles the front of the house.

The place looks great and they are doing well...It's surprising how many people are going out to eat with the economy being so bad....especially in this town.

But lets get to the good part....To start I had the Chorizo Blini - Spanish Manchego Cheese, Marinated Cabbage, Chipotle Sauce...It was great. The Mrs. had the Seared Sea Scallops - Corn Soufflé, Butter Poached Baby Leeks, Potato Gaufrette...very good.

Next I had the Venison Bolognese - Braised Venison, Fresh Fettuccini & Venison Ragu....F**king Awesome!!! Yeah, I ate some Bambi, and it was great.

The wife had the Steak & Frites - Hanger Steak and House-Made Fries...One of the most tender pieces of meat I've ever had.

I was drinking Heineken, and she was drinking Pinot Grigio....I made sure the wife never had an empty class...she's willing to get a little freakier when she's good and boozy.

For Desert she had a banana upside down cake, and I had the cookies and milk....I'm not sh!tt!ng you....Everything is made in house and fresh....The cookies are cooked to order....They were the gooiest, most outstanding f**king cookies I have ever had....And yes they were served with a small class of milk.

It was outstanding.

After that we sat at the bar for one more drink, and shot the sh!t with the bartender, who was also an old friend. Then we headed home...The car ride was nice as I convinced the Mrs. to drop and gobble...That's right, there's no head like road head.

When we got home, I paid off the sitter....Do you know what these f**kers charge? $10 dollars an hour...$10 dollars an hour to watch tv with my kids, tell them when to go to bed, and text their friends....Nice gig...I think I overpaid her...I wanted her out...Mrs. Beeze was in the mood to be dirty...Game on!

So after trying out a couple new moves, and doing a few things I shouldn't talk about, I broke out they jackhammer and finished off the Mrs. for the night. she passed out, and I like all loyal fans checked out the Rangers on the DVR...The boys bounced back after a bad loss last night and won 3-2 in a shoot out...Way to Henrik.

I know this isn't my normal style of posting...except for the sex talk....but I try to keep this blog real, honest and open. Often I get on here and rant, but I want to share the good stuff too....I had a great night, and I wanted to share the highlights...I tend to open up more after booze and sex.....That and I wanted to give my friends a free plug.


Later, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: That Guy

Originally posted Dec. 9, 2008.

Back for more? I knew you would be. Now let's remember the names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

This time around I'm going to introduce you to one of the many freaks from the Fish House. Tonight we meet a guy by the name of Tammy Nova....Yes I said guy, named Tammy Nova. We'll get to why he has been given a female name in a minute.

Tammy is that guy...The guy who wants to be the man...And it's his desire to be the man, and willingness to do anything to help his standing with the man, that leads to the man using and abusing the $h!t out of him....He's a dummy....He's going nowhere....nobody likes him because he's a kiss-a$$ and a back stabber....And the man sees this crap, so he doesn't like him, but he uses the hell out of him, because Tammy doesn't get it.

Tammy is the guy that everyone rips on....They'll do it right in front of him, and he doesn't even get it...He stands there and laughs too....If there are 6 people in the kitchen, including Tammy, the other 5 will be in on the joke and dude just plays along like he's in on it too....Dummy you're the joke!!!!

Maybe this all sounds harsh....well it's a harsh business, with people who aren't cut out for the white collar world....we believe in only the strong survive...And Tammy has lasted a while now, so maybe his stupidity is what keeps him strong.

Now why do we call this dolt Tammy Nova? Well on his very first day at the Fish House he comes at us with this (I should first tell you that when he speaks he sounds like he has a mouth full of sh!t)....."Have you ever hooked up with a chick, and then found out she was a dude?" "What !!!" Along with a puzzled expression on our faces, was our response....He then replied with..."It's not gay, she's having all the right operations." Hold on a second dude...She isn't having the operations....He is!!! A dude is a dude, and you hooked up with a dude.

Strike One......okay we all make a mistake sometimes...we don't all hook up with dudes but whatever.

The next warning came a little while later when he told us about when he worked at Johnny Rockets and on Halloween the whole staff dressed up...He dressed as a chick.

Strike Two......okay now we're seeing a trend.

He's always done creepy gay stuff, and don't start getting PC on me....I work in the restaurant business, I know gay people, I have gay friends, the best male servers are gay, I'm all for gay marriage...Why should us straight people be the only ones to suffer.

Any who, recently Tammy hit us with this. See I run a Fish House Fantasy Football league, and Mr. Nova is in it. We all like to bust balls, and make side bets on our games....the $1000 pot isn't enough for us degenerates...So Tammy was facing this big dolt of a server...total meat head...We'll call him BD...short for Big Dummy. So Tammy wants to make a wager with him....He says to BD, "If I win you have to dress like a chick and go out with me to the bars." WTF!!! BD was like "what the f**k is wrong with you? F**koff."

Strike Three......game over....If the saying you are what you eat is true...Then dude is seriously hungry for a d!ck sandwich.

Every kitchen has that douche that nobody likes, ours just happens to be a closet case....Now we're all waiting for him to come out and see who he hits on first.

Tonight's recipe....Lobster and Goat Cheese Ravioli with Pesto cream sauce.

Now you can find pre-made raviolis at some good stores and specialty shops, but if you want to make your own here it is....

Get raw pasta sheets...we have a great place called Ohio City Pasta, they make great stuff. Layout the sheet, use a round cookie cutter, or ring mold, and press it down through the dough. Layout your round doughs and brush them with a little egg wash...then you put a little of your filling in the middle, put another dough on top, and pinch the edges together.

Now for the filling....take a pound of fresh chopped lobster meat, some fresh chopped herbs, (basil, chives, rosemary) some softened goat cheese (4-8 oz.depending on how goat cheezey you want it) salt & pepper. Mix in all together in a bowl...use your hands...get dirty...food is sexy...messy hands are sexy...sorry I get a little into sometimes.

Sauce...If you want to buy it that's cool, but if you want to make it here you go....Fresh basil, pine nuts, garlic, salt & pepper, a tiny bit of Dijon mustard, and spinach..I use the spinach to stretch it, and brighten the color up. Throw all that in a food processor, and slowly add olive oil as it is running....you just want it to be pasty.

Then you heat some heavy cream and whisk in your pesto.

Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it. Also thanks for reading my other crap. the wife just caught up on my blog today...I thought I was going to be in trouble....But she's cool about me telling everyone everything...and she liked how I picked myself apart a little in the last Monday Moaning...Mrs. Beeze is the Sh!t.

Laterr, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: Creating Life

Originally posted Dec. 2, 2008.

It's time for another installment of Tales from the Fish House. Now I recently wrote about my daughters birthday party, so I thought I would share a tale that is a little more personal....You may be asking...What's more personal then walking in on a dude laying the wood to some chicken scraps?

Well this tale is about me, and Mrs. Beeze. In this tale we'll call her FMB...Future Mrs. Beeze...We fell in love at the Fish House. It's a tale of love, and passion, and the exchange of bodily fluids.

FMB was a server, and I was a sous chef who frequently used the word F*CK in any and all possible context. Sous chef is the nice way of being called the chef's b!tch. We had both been in long term relationships, and we were both unhappy in them. As we got to know each other better, working on a daily basis, and going out drinking after work, we realized we had to break it off with the dummies we were dating.

After that we started dating. When I say dating I mean, going out drinking after work, and then having lots and lots of sex. Always with protection. Now some of you may be thinking....Beeze, you had sex before you got married? YEAH!!! I'm not gonna buy a car without seeing how it handles...My c**k. Oops. (starting to get a little dirty)

So a couple months go buy and I proposed to her. That's how good she handled. The night we got engaged, we went out to dinner, then we hit a bar. It was kinda the bar a lot of my family hung out at...so we went there to let everyone know. One of my Dad's friends (a Cleveland Plain Dealer sports writer) tried hitting on FMB. In mid-sentence he passed out.

After hours we went to the Fish House. We had some drinks and started getting it on. I wasn't too drunk, because I said..."I don't have any with me". Any being condoms. She said it's okay, it's safe right now. So we start going at it. On a table, and then on the bar. I always wanted to bone someone on the bar.

Now at the bar there is this thing with all the tap handles. We always called it the mushroom head...because that's what it looked like. At one point I'm sitting on it, and FMB is on me...going to town. Well to this day, the mushroom head is dented. Dented with the impression of my a$$. Think about that next time you get a draft.

A little later I get to that point. That point where I'm going to unleash a load with the fury of God's own thunder. I inform FMB of this and she says "it's okay."

So the BEEZE let it fly.

Well 3 weeks later we found out it wasn't okay....I puked....Then we made plans to get married a week later in Niagra Falls.

I'm happy to say, we've been together almost 8 years now, and we still get it on as much as we can. We also have a 4 year old son....Another product of Mrs. Beeze not knowing her cycle....But I can't imagine my life without them....although I can imagine all the extra money I would have.

So you know that wasn't the first time I got it on in the Fish House. Next week I'll have something a little more twisted for you.

This weeks recipe.

Tomato Basil Bisque

1 large onion chopped

1 green pepper chopped

1T of minced garlic

1 #10 can of tomato strips

1 cup fresh chopped basil

4-8T of sugar (depending on how sweet you want it)

salt & pepper to taste

1 quart of heavy cream.

Saute onion, pepper, and garlic in a little oil....add tomato...stir...add basil....let simmer....add sugar, S & P....add cream....let simmer....20-30 minutes. Blend it if you want that "Bisque" consistency. Or if you like leave it chunky and hearty.

Hope you enjoyed my perverted tale.

Later the BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: The Chicken F**ker

Originally posted Nov. 25, 2008.

Welcome to the first installment of "Tales from the Fish House". Once a week I will share a story from my many years in the restaurant business, along with one of my own recipes. These tales, for the most part won't be clean. There are some sick people in the food service industry....Myself included. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see the movie "Waiting...." It's hilarious, and yes, some of us are that f**ked up. These events are true...The names of the not so innocent have been changed.

For the first tale, I'm gonna go way back. I was 19 years old. I had jobs in kitchens since I was 13, but now I was in the big leagues...Summer, fine dinning seafood restaurant, run by a group of managers who couldn't stay sober for four hours....And when it came to perverts, these sick f**ks were the kings.

Back then we got our grated parm delivered in cartons, like milk cartons, but bigger. When they were empty, we washed them out and kept chicken scraps in them for when we made stock. We had found a couple with holes in them, and wonder what the hell is that about. Most of the time those got thrown away, but I can't be sure they did all the time.

So one afternoon, my boss Bill(a short, angry, drunk bastard), and I were shootin' the sh!t heading into the walk in cooler. He was going to get some fish to cut, and I needed to restock a few things on the line. We open the door and walk in....and there it is....One of the sickest things I've ever seen....This stoner, prep cook, named Ken, is cramming his ram rod into a carton of chicken scraps. I am not sh!tting you.

My boss's face was the reddest red you have ever seen. I thought his head was going to explode. Ken the prep cook, had that Oh Sh!t look on his face. You know that look....the look that only a stoner who is balls deep in a box of chicken scrap can have.

Bill starts screaming, "get the f*ck out of my restaurant before I f**king kill you! You f**king a$$h*le...What the F**k is wrong with you? Get the f**k out!"

There's nothing like seeing a stoner trying to figure out if he should pull his c**k out of the chicken before he runs, or if he should try and run with the box of chicken on his junk. It was hilarious...gross, but hilarious.

Maybe I'm just twisted....Okay I am. That was when I knew I was in the big leagues. I hope that doesn't ruin your Thanksgiving dinner.


Now, how about a recipe.

This time of year, we always need snacks, here is a salsa I make that my wife and a bunch of her friends like.

STRAWBERRY MANGO SALSA

2 Mangoes...peeled and diced

2 pints of strawberries diced

1 green pepper diced

half of a red onion diced

1 T of sugar

1 T of chives

1 t of minced garlic

1 T fresh chopped basil

couple dashes of hot sauce (the amount of heat is up to you)

salt & pepper to taste

Size of the dice is up to you...however chunky you like it.

Mix and serve....I like to serve it with Pita chips, but any chip will do.


I hope you enjoyed my tale, and I hope you try the recipe. Don't be afraid to come back next week for seconds.

Thanks for reading, The BEEZE.