The Beeze's Tales From the Fish House

The Beeze Reviews Melt

2011-11-26T23:49:00.002-05:00

Okay, for a few years now, I've been of the mindset of, "Fuck Melt!" Over=priced, over-hyped grilled cheese, served by a bunch of douchebags that thing they are too good to be waiting on you...

Well, after tonight, my mind has not been changed at all...Fuck these fucking cock sucking douchebags!

After going to a movie this evening, the Mrs. and I were feeling hungry...We checked with the sitter, the kids were doing well...Baby was asleep, no problems...We saw the Melt in Independence, Ohio and said 'what the hell...Lets give it another try...Past experiences had us waiting an hour for a table (first come first serve)...And then be waited on by a dolt with too may piercing and too many tattoos, who had an attitude that doing her job, waiting on us, was some how beneath her...Of course she thought highly of herself, already be well trained as a human pin-cushion...

Then there was the food...I would describe it as "DRUNK FOOD"...Shit I was making at 3:00 AM when I was drunk, 15 years ago...Yet the mastermind behind Melt, egomaniac, Matt Fish thinks he's greatest culinary mind on Earth...Hey, I love grilled cheese like a mother fucker, but slapping a pirogi in the middle of one is no great shakes...A fucking retard could come up with that!

But back to tonight...We walk in, and ask the hostess about how long...She says 20 minutes, and I peeked at the clipboard...There were only 2 parties ahead of us...We put in our name and had a seat...After that a couple more parties came in...About 30 minutes into our wait, the tables ahead of us had been sat, so we were looking forward to getting to a table soon...Then a party of 4 came in...They went right up to the hostess stand, and it was clear they were friends with the people that worked there...2 minutes later, they were sat...

We looked at the people around us, and it was clear everyone was pissed about this...My wife got up, and started scanning the floor for any other open tables...There were none...Then she approached the hostess...She asked "did those people have a reservation?"...The twat responded by saying, "We don't take reservations, it's first come first serve." The Mrs. said, "Well they just got here, and we've been waiting for awhile now." So the twat says, "Oh, they put their name in like a hour ago, and then came back."

This is where I step in..."No they didn't...If they did, why did you tell us, it was only a 20 minute wait." Twat said, "Yes sir, they did." ..."Ummm, no they didn't, I saw the sheet, and there were only two names ahead of ours, and they were sat." Twat now change to cunt..."Are you calling me a liar?" ...."Yes, you're a lying cunt...Fuck your shitty grilled cheese!"

And we left...I stopped there, because the next thing to come out of my mouth was, 'I hope the next time you get your stupid lip, or nose, or whatever pieced....I hope a dirty needle is involved, and you get the AIDS...Not Magic Johnson AIDS that can be fixed with Millions of dollars and Swedish doctors, but the nasty, bad AIDS, you stupid dirty cunt!'

Yeah, When I get pissed, my mind goes to bad places...Really bad...So we left...Fuck her! Fuck her friends...Fuck her family...Fuck Matt Fish...Fuck Melt...Stupid fucking grilled cheese....Suck a dick!

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze Reviews Johnny's Bar

2011-10-02T00:43:00.000-04:00

That folks, is what I had for dinner Saturday Night! That is the Long Bone Veal Chop, Pounded, Breaded & Baked...Topped with Tomato Coulis, Arugula and Balsamic Vinaigrette...And it was amazing...

The wife had decided to take me out for a nice dinner for my birthday...Read my PREVIOUS_POST for the Birthday recap...She told me to pick, so I decided on JOHNNY'S_BAR...It's kinda stupid to call the place a bar...Bars don't usually put out this type of food...I've always just called it Johnny's on Fulton...One of the few gems you'll find on Fulton road in Cleveland...

To start, I went simple, getting the Mozzarella Marinara...Don't be fulled...This isn't some bullshit Mozz sticks like TGI Fridays...this is quality Mozzarella, with Cleveland's best Marinara sauce...The Mrs. is real picky when it comes to red sauce...Johnny's is so good, we bought to jars to go!

She started with the Bacon wrapped scallops...How can you go wrong there...Well, she actually was a little disappointed...The scallops were small, and each was totally encased in bacon...She felt the bacon over-powered the flavor of the scallops...

Then we had house salads...Fine...Salads, nothing special...I was drinking Great Lakes Brewing Company's Oktoberfest...(yes, that's how they spell it)...She was drinking a Riesling...I don't know shit about wine, except to keep pouring it down her throat!

Then she had one of the specials...A 14ounce strip steak, thinly sliced, served medium-rare, topped with sweet onions, and mushrooms, in a demi glace...With aged cheddar and pancetta mashers...The steak was so moist, and tender...It melted in your moth...She thought they could ease up on the sauce, but she loved it...

As I said, I had the Long Bone Veal...Talk a about flavorful...Sorry folks, but baby cow tastes great...And it was so tender, I was cutting it with my fork...The tomatoes, arugula, and balsamic worked so well with the veal and the breading...It's a can't miss dish, only made better being served over top of Johnny's house specialty, au gratin potatoes...

For desert, The Mrs. has the Raspberry Cheesecake...Holy huge slice! I had the Bananas Foster...Rum, Bananas, and Ice Cream...Hard to screw up, and they didn't...We finished the evening there with coffee...Nice, bold, brew...

Now, this all sounds great, and it was...But it was an expensive evening...Drinks, all four course, coffee, two jars of sauce, and tip got us for over two hundred bucks...Considering how little we go out, and how good it was...I'm okay with the price...

Then we headed home...My goal, get the kids to bed...Watch Notre Dame beat the hell out of Purdue, and squeeze in some halftime sex! Birthday weekend rules!

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze Reviews Dina's Pizza & Pub

2009-11-21T00:01:00.003-05:00

If you're looking for "comfort food," Look no further then Dina's Pizza & Pub. How could those two words, together not sell you on this place...I saw Pizza, and was like 'hell yeah!' Then I saw pub...'I'm in!' Dina's has become the new favorite in the Beeze household...

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Located at 5701 Memphis Ave. in Old Brooklyn, Dina's lives up to their motto..."Where Good Friends Meet For Good Food & Good Drinks."

The one knock on Dina's may be, too many options...In the starters column, there are 30 options...Then you have Pasta Dinners...Everything from Spaghetti, to Veal Parm, to Stuffed Shells, to Penne Chicken Alfredo...
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You can also get breaded chicken, BBQ ribs, a fish fry, and Pierogies...Cleveland loves it's pierogies. Then you have 23 sandwiches and 9 wraps to choose from. Oh, and don't forget the 8 burger choices. By the way, the burgers are amazing! There's nothing like seeing Mrs. Beeze crammin' one of Dina's big ole burgers in her face!

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Now, finally we get to the pizza...You can get your standard pizza, or choose from the list of 15 specialty pizzas...Get the meat lovers! I'm not joking...It's unreal, but maybe should come with a free bypass...

Seriously, the pizza is old school...It's like the pizza I had when I was a kid...Before chains came along and all started making the same old thing, and bastardized the art of crafting a fine pizza...

The prices...The prices are great...You get plenty of bang for your buck at Dina's...The sandwiches are all under $7...Dinners don't go over $15...The only pizzas that will cost you close to $20 are a few of the specialty pizzas at the half sheet size...

The staff are all friendly, and seem to have a good time working there...The atmosphere is great...The one time gas station, turned bar and pizza joint has that great neighborhood vibe....You're going to run into some one you know...And you're going to get to know some one else...If you're in the area, check it out!

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze Reviews The Bistro on Lincoln Park...Again

2009-11-06T22:23:00.006-05:00

Yes, Mrs. Beeze, myself, and our friends May and Bryan stopped by the bistro last Friday for dinner...This was the second time for the Mrs. and I...The first time was great, and I hoped for the same this trip...Especially the end of the night...

Well, I'm gonna go a little Tarantino on ya, and skip to the end...Sadly, there was no road head...Bryan was driving the four of us...The girls who had split two bottles of wine were in the back...May, was ready for a nap...And well, I wasn't going down on Bryan...

Then we got home, paid the baby sitter, and rounded up Bryan and May's little girl...Then found out, our daughter was still awake...Sex was off the table now...If you missed it at the Beezewax a couple weeks ago, we woke up our daughter with one of our sessions...And by woke up, I mean scared the sh!t out of her...So the wife put me on lock-down...

So let's move onto the food...I started with the Autumn Bisque..."Puree of Butternut Squash, Sauteed Wild Mushrooms & Creme Fraiche" It was awesome! The Mrs. started with the Crab Cake...Without a doubt the best crab cake I have ever had...A friend compared ours at the Fish House to it, simply by saying The bistro's made ours look like dog food...He was right...This was the meatiest crab cake ever...Not a bunch of filler...Great!

May and Bryan ordered the Froie Gras...May had asked our server what it was like...She replied with, "It's deliciousness in your mouth." When may took her first bite, she said, "This is the best thing that's ever been in my mouth!" Sorry Bryan...She passed it around and it was amazing!

The next course Bryan and I both had the Bistro Salad..."Butter Lettuce, Indian Black Onion Seed Vinaigrette, Sunflower Seeds, 24 Hour Tomatoes, Watermelon Radish, Candy Onions." I loved it...I love butter lettuce, and the Vinaigrette was great...Very light and refreshing...May had Mushroom Bisque, which she passed around to all of us...Best Mshroom soup, I've had...And I make a pretty damn good one myself...

At this point I should tell you about May's order...It wa sthe evening before Halloween...They had a special "Treat" menu...3 Courses for $35...They also had a "Trick" menu...This was left up to Chef Pete Joyce...You got what he gave you...

Entree time...The wife and I both got a 16 ounce, French-cut, bone-in, ribeye (or cowboy steak)...served with house made Frites, that was on special...The steak was cooked perfectly...The frites are awesome...If you're at the Bistro and they don't have this on special, check out the Steak and Frites...It's a Hanger Steak with the frites, and it' so tender and delicious...Like a....Never mind...

Bryan got the Great Lakes Walleye..."Pan Roasted, Fingerling Potatoes, Smoked Bacon-Apple Hash & Sherry Beurre Blanc." He polished this off quickly, and was left wanting more...He felt the portion could have been bigger, but enjoyed it very much...

That brings us back to May...Her entree was Turkey, Brussel Sprouts and I forget the rest...It was at this point m wife felt bad...You see, May doesn't like turkey...But this turkey was different...It seemed like it was done the way you would do a nice piece of veal, for a Piccata or Marsala...It was topped with an apple cream sauce...And honestly, you could put the sauce on anything...It was great...She did it some, and enjoyed the flavors...

For dessert I had the Bistro Chocolate Cake..."handcrafted chocolate cake, whipped buttercream,fresh berries & warm chocolate ganache." WOW! A really good meal ends when most people are full...Not me...For me it ends when I hate myself...This dessert took me to that point...

The wife had the Pumpkin Cheesecake...Loved it...Bryan had the home made vanilla ice cream...And May had the Country Pear Tart..."Bosc pears, almond frangipane & honey almond ice cream."

The food was great again...The Atmosphere was great...Warm and inviting...The staff went out of their way to make sure we were happy...

In Cleveland, We're always hearing and reading about Michael Symon...Not to be a d!ck, but he ain't the only game in town...If you're looking to spend an evening out, enjoying good food, drinks, and company...Stop by the Bistro on Lincoln Park...http://www.bistroonlincolnpark.com/

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze Reviews The Melting Pot (take 2)

2009-09-02T11:17:00.006-04:00

So last night, Mrs. Beeze, myself, and our friends Bryan and May went back to The Melting Pot...My review last time was sparkling...Yes we had a good time, and some good stories came out of it, which gave my review some extra life...But it wasn't the best...Management saw it and responded...First in the comment section...Then we communicated through e-mail...They made it clear that they wanted us to give them a second chance...

It had been he first time my wife and I had been there...Bryan and May had been there before and loved it...But after last time we were all let down...The main problem was the service...In the last review, our server Mike, took a beating...The food was good, but we had waited so long for everything, that we were A) Drunk...And B) just not into it...I also felt that the prices were too high...They still are, but I think that's true of most places...That combined with the economy right now, people are looking for more bang for their buck...

I would say that this time around, we got more bang for our buck...Our server was "Thunder Dan...

No, not "Thunder" Dan Majerle...Dan greeted us quickly, and took our drink order...While the ladies were choosing a bottle of wine he informed Bryan he'd be getting him another Great Lakes Grass Roots Ale, which he had started on at the bar...I ordered a Great Lakes Dortmunder...Dan jumped in and said, "You know we have Heineken tonight." I was shocked and said, "Really?" He replied by saying "We brought in a six-pack tonight." I informed him that I would take it...This made it clear to us that they knew who we were...I was the a$$hole who wrote the last review...I had commented how, they didn't have Heineken, and followed it with a WTF!??! Even funnier was Bryan now reciting lines from the last review...

Dan was very attentive and seemed to walk into some strange conversations...Like May talking about how romantic Bryan is when talking about sex...He likes to call it pu$$y pounding...Really, who doesn't? Dan got our vibe and was able to do his job and while adding his own two cents to whatever the conversation was...He understood we were there to have fun, eat, drink, and not afraid to spend money...He also gets the vibe of the restaurant...It's suppose to be a fun place...The servers are suppose to be interactive with the guests...I'm not sucking up in any way...If you've read me before, you know I'd be taking shots at Dan if he deserved it...But honestly, I felt like I knew the guy...That's a pretty cool feeling to get from a server...

Food wise, I think we all enjoyed it more this time...Partly because Dan was cool...Partly because we weren't waiting all night for it...And partly because we weren't all sh!t faced...

As they did last time we were there...The featured salad was the Caprese Salad...This made me laugh too, because it was one of the things I raved about from our first trip...3 of us had that...My wife had the Caesar...Cheese wise, we had the Cheddar, and the Swiss...Both were delicious...

Bryan and May had the Surf and Turf dinner for two...Split...She had the surf, he had the turf...My wife had the shrimp and steak...I had the French Quarter...Cajun seasoned steak, chicken, shrimp, and some Andouille sausage...It was great...I honestly enjoyed the food more this time...It was cooked the same...By us...I do love cajun, so that may have helped...But we all enjoyed it more this time...So I have to figure the biggest reason was the quality of service we got...

A little while later the manager came over and talked with us...He was great too...He also got our vibe, and wanted to make sure we were happy...He also informed us of a dinner they'll be having with Great Lakes Brewing Company later this month...A 4 course dinner with each course paired up with a Great Lakes Beer...We're in Eric!

We finished the night with some chocolate fondue, and bananas foster...It was at this point when I dubbed Dan as "cock strong" while he lit the table on fire...This was a nice bit of showmanship, that helps make The Melting Pot fun...

The Melting Pot hooked us up this time and made it a much better experience...We'll go back again, and we'll ask for "Thunder" Dan!

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze Reviews the Melting Pot

2009-07-12T12:04:00.004-04:00

About a week ago, Mrs. Beeze and a couple co-workers made plans for a group of us to go to dinner at The Melting Pot...A fondue place... http://www.meltingpot.com/
It was 6 of us...To protect the not so innocent I'll slightly change their names...Except our server...MIKE...But we'll get to him in a bit...

The sitter showed up and the Mrs. and I went to meet the others...We planned on meeting in the bar first for a couple drinks...When we got there one of the other couples were already into their second drink...Bryan and May...(if you know who I'm talking about, I wasn't very creative with the name change)...These two crazy kids seem to like to drink, so I knew with my personality we'd have fun...May was drinking a Dirty Martini..."But not too dirty, just a little naughty." Bryan was drinking Great Lakes Brewing Company's Grassroots Ale...

What was I drinking? Nothing...At least not for 8 minutes...That's how long it took for the bartender to acknowledge my wife and my existence...When he finally did, she had a Stoli Orange with a splash of tonic...I first asked for a Heineken...He said they didn't have that...WTF!?! kinda place doesn't have Heineken...I could understand if I ordered a PBR...Instead I got a Great Lakes Dortmunder Gold Lager...A few minutes later the hostess took us to our table...

A few minutes later the other couple showed...We'll call them Todd and Laura...About 5 minutes later our server Mike greeted us...(5 minutes is too long...At least where I come from)...Mike with white boy, almost afro, partially in a pony tail...He was quickly dubbed Crazy Hair Mike, by yours truly...Mike asks "who's been here before?"...Only Bryan and May have...So he says he's going to go over things with us...Which we think is good, because the menu can throw you off...He proceeds to go on and on about drinks, and drink specials...Todd orders a Coke, and Laura just wants water...Don't worry Mike we'll make up for it...Bryan and I will have another couple beers...The Mrs. sees Caymus on the menu and she's thinking about a glass...May thinks that sounds good...Before Mike can go into his bottle selling bit...I say, "What the hell bring a bottle!"

Note to servers...This is a sign to treat this table well...Work it...These people are here to spend money...Don't f**k up!

So now we are waiting for our drinks, and trying to figure out what to order...What cheeses...What entrees...What salads...Our drinks take at least 5 minutes...Then Mike finally comes back...We order...Each couple got an entree for two...Ours had a $56 dollar tag on it...It had duck breast, chicken breast, teriyaki steak, pork tenderloin, chicken and veggie pot stickers...You also have to pick you broths to cook you food in...We got the Coq au vin and the Mojo...Each a extra 5 dollars...The wife got a Cesar salad ($5) and I got the Caprese Salad ($5)...

The cheeses for the table were cheddar, and the Wisconsin trio...You better like blue cheese if you get the Wisconsin Trio...But we wouldn't find this out for 30 minutes...You see your cheese is suppose to come out with bread, and veggies, and apples for an appetizer...We continued to drink...Well us drinkers...And waited...and waited...Bryan need to use the rest room...As he went to the front desk for directions...The hostess was taking a call...The call was from May...Asking to have Mike bring us our cheese...After repeating this a couple times the hostess hung up...As she walked Bryan past our table to point him in the right direction...I'm sure she heard boozy May laughing and repeating what happened on the phone...The hostess came back and checked on us...and in about 2 minutes Mike arrived to mix our cheese...

Note to servers...If you work in a place where you are at tables preparing items...It's a good idea to seem friendly and engage in conversation with the table...I mean you are working for tips right?

We also learned from Bryan's recon mission to the Men's Room...There were only 5 tables in the whole place...So what the hell was taking so long...After our cheese and stuff...We waited, and waited, and waited, for our salads...It had gotten to the point where we didn't even want them anymore...When Mike finally brought them out Bryan said...'Oh we don't really want those anymore.' But Mike must have thought we we joking, based on the booze and phone calls...

It was also at this point that a table of jail bait sat right near us, and Mike was giving them plenty of attention...Smart move douche bag...The table ordering diet Coke and apps is gonna get quality service...While the table ordering bottles of wine, $6 beers, and over $200 dollars in food is getting slow sh!tty service...Way to go dummy!

The salads were good...To be honest, my Caprese salad was outstanding...Then we waited a little longer to get our entrees...This is where this company is getting over on people big time...You get your plate full of raw nuggets that you will cook yourself in $5 broths...The Melting Pot doesn't have to pay chefs...Or really anyone with any cooking skill...Just some prep cooks who chop up raw meat, poultry, and sea food...

Was the food good? Yes...Was it great? No...Did we have fun? Yes...We got out of the house, away from the kids for a few hours...Drank plenty...Made fun of our server...Found out the name of May's Vibrator...(She is a funny drunk) And then when we got home I overpaid the sitter, and Mrs. Beeze and I had some sloppy drunk sex!

That said...The bill for The Beezes after tip was $150...For that kinda money, we could have had a really nice meal, with great service, and I would have had to cook my own food...But if you do try The Melting Pot...Get the Caprese salad...The only thing better was the Dortmunder!

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze's Cookout Quiz

2009-06-07T15:44:00.004-04:00

It's that time of year...The time when some us are looking for any reason to fire up the grill...The time when we are looking for any excuse to get together with friends, drink and stuff our faces with some BBQ...

So being a fan of the cookout...And being a fan of silly Facebook quizzes...I thought I'd put one together, just about the Backyard BBQ...

1. Charcoal or Gas? CHARCOAL

2. Beer, wine or liquor? BEER

3. Are women aloud near the grill? NO

4. Listen to music or baseball game? MUSIC...THE INDIANS SUCK

5. Paper plates? YES

6. Plastic silverware, the real stuff, or your hands? REAL STUFF UNLESS IT'S JUST BURGERS OR FINGER FOOD

7. When you've been drinking (maybe too much) and you get a little warm...Do you dip your junk in the kiddie pool...Or stumble through a sprinkler? KIDDIE POOL

8. When having cookout sex...Do you do it on the picnic table...In the grass...or the hood of the car? HOOD OF THE CAR AND GRASS

9. Do you use any left over BBQ sauce in the sex acts? YES

10. Besides the sex...What do you prefer for dessert? STRAWBERRY PIE

That's it...Read and Respond...

Later, The Beeze.

The Beeze Reviews Alto Cucina

2009-04-30T18:49:00.004-04:00

This past weekend The Beeze Family went to Erie PA. Mrs. Beeze's parents are there and many of her friends...We went in for her birthday...saturday night the kids stayed with the grandparents, and the Mrs. and I went out to dinner....I found a nice place...Well at least from what one of her friends said, and by what the menu looked like....Feel free to take a look yourself...http://www.altocucina.com/contactus.html

I have to be honest...I didn't think Erie would have a place like this...It's a town littered with chain restaurants and bars...and bars...and more bars....Which isn't a bad thing...Nobody loves a good dive bar more than the Beeze!

So we walk in and right off the bat I'm surprised....The atmosphere is great...Great decor...You feel like you're walking into a very nice home...They may because at one time it was a home...Also There was music playing...Not crappy restaurant music...Live music...A pretty cool band called The Heliotropes...

http://www.myspace.com/theheliotropeserie

I'm not sure if they would descibe themselves this way...But...I would say they were kind of a Folk, Jazz fusion...They did a number of contemporary tunes, but with their own spin...Very enjoyable...

But now on to the important sh!t....The food!

I started with the Fontinella Cacchione...Baked Fontinella cheese in puff pastry topped with mushroom ragu....Yes, it was $13 and they may seem too much for some cheese, puff pastry, and mushrooms...But it was well worth it...I would say it was the highlight for me...Well food wise...We'll get to the other highlight later...

Mrs. Beeze started with the Spider Bellinis...Crab cake stuffed soft shell crab, polenta crusted and sautéed...Served with a spicy garlic aioli....Also very good...

We both had house salads...They were simple but good...Not too filling...Romaine lettuce...2 cuke slices...2 tomato slices...8 garbonzo beans...2 olives...And a light red wine vinagrette....

For our entrees...I had the Pollo Ferrito...Lightly breaded and sautéed chicken breast topped with sweet peppers, mushrooms, marinara sauce and a blend of Italian cheeses...Served over cremini mushroom ravioli...This was very good...It's basically a hot rodded Chicken parm...The mushroom ravioli was the best part...I only wish the would serve it with a couple more...It came with 4...Not enough! Especially when it is truely the best part of the dish...

Mrs. Beeze had the Scampi Ferrando....Sautéed jumbo tiger shrimp in garlic lemon butter cream sauce...Served over shrimp & ricotta cheese ravioli...She loved it...It looked good...And the little that she let me try was great...

For dessert the Mrs. had the Key Lime Cheesecake...It was was very light and had great flavor...I had the Strawberry Shortcake...Again, very light with great flavors...That is something you don't get enough when you order dessert...Most the time desserts are heavy, and make you feel like shit afterwards...These were so light and airy...Just excellent!

So along with all this great food...The Mrs. had 5 glasses of wine...Now it was her birthday...and all week I was telling her I was gonna remind her that she isn't old yet...I kept telling her that after dinner we were gonna find a nice dark place, and get it on like a couple of high school kids...She kept saying..."whatever!"

Well as we walked out of the restaurant and I was asking "where should we do it?" we noticed it was pitch black in the parking lot that was surrounded by a very wooded area...So she says..."We may as well do it here!" So there we are...Mrs. Beeze all buzzed up...just taking like in the front seat of a Honda...

It's good to relive your youth....Car sex is awesome...Keeps you on your toes...or knees...Or knees behind your ears...So get out there and get to humping in your car!

If your ever in Erie PA...Check out Alto Cucina...And then get your f*ck on!

Later, The Beeze.

TFtFH: The tale of Saintly Sally

2009-02-26T22:49:00.005-05:00

So I've been neglecting the Tales From the Fish House...So it's time to get back to sharing the silliness that I've experienced in my life in the restaurant business...

Saintly Sally was a nice attractive young gal who worked at the Fish House...She was often uncomfortable about the topics we discussed...Most of us folks in the business are f*cked in the head...Or a little twisted...Or like me...Just straight up perverts...And we're not afraid to share any detail of our life, or some messed up story we heard...

Sally had a hard time with this...She was raised in a very religious household....She was very uptight...And it was suspected that she may be that rare creature known as a virgin....

Now before we go further...You have to understand...I'm a perv...I need to get off...Before I was married, with two children...I would beat it at least twice a day...Even if I got some that day or, night...I was squeezing off another round...I still make sure to break one off every day...It's good for ya! And I ain't blind yet!

That said...I've called the good old spank lines in my day...As a matter of fact, I really use to like them...A gal named Kayla was my favorite...She was good at her craft...

I'm not bullshittin' ya...Eventually that all ended...Mrs. Beeze made me put on a 900 blocker on the phone, and watched the credit cards....That happened because of a $200+ phone bill....It was during that period after you have a baby and you're not aloud to bone...And really after you see your child come out of your wife's hatchet wound, well you want that thing to heal up...

So back to our tale....Before I was forced to stop hitting the spank lines...I actually believe this was before Mrs. Beeze...I had called one of my favorite lines...It cost 69 cents a minute...Go figure!

So we're getting to it...And well time is money...When it's phone sex, I don't need foreplay...I'm already prepped...Time is money! So I tried to get this gal moving along...She got pissy and yelled 'BEEZE!' But it was in a different tone...A tone I knew...That I had heard before...That I had heard from an uptight, holy-roller at work....I said..."SALLY!?! Is that YOU?"

The response was something to the affect of...'uuhm...um...I have to go now."

Sally didn't work at the Fish House much longer...She couldn't look me in the eye...I of course was proud of this event...And you bet I shared it with gang!

Now How about a recipe...

Chicken and Andouille Gumbo....

(this makes a shit load)

3 green peppers diced

3 red peppers diced

1 head of celery diced

1 onion diced

5 lbs. chicken (pre-roast it in the oven with just a little oil, and S & P...Then chop it.)

5 lbs. Andouille sausage (pre-cook it in oven...then cut into half moons.)

3 cups of olive oil

4 cups flour

1 large can of tomato strips

4 qrts. chicken stock

1 T oregano

1T thyme

2 T garlic

1 T paprika

4 T Cajun spice

1-2 lbs of cut okra

S & P

In a large pot (the wider the better) get your oil hot....add flour.(this is a roux)...Stir it continuously until it is dark brown...Add your chopped veggies (except okra) and garlic, and saute them in that mess....add herbs, and spices...Add Chicken stock...Let simmer for 20-30 minutes...Add tomatoes...let simmer for 5 minutes...add chicken and andouille...Simmer for 10 minutes...Add okra...Let simmer another 10- 20 minutes....Check flavor.....

Eat...Enjoy...Have sex...Or call a spank line!

Later, The Beeze.

Stuffed Pork Chops with Saueed Spinach

2009-02-12T00:13:00.003-05:00

So after what I posted yesterday over at the Beezewax I thought I better make Mrs. Beeze a nice dinner tonight....

I hit the butcher shop and grabbed a couple of nice fat pork chops...Now I'm not gonna bullshit ya...I didn't make some fancy stuffing...I used some regular store bought stuff...Listen I had to do homework with my kids...Had to do valentines for their class room parties...Had to decorate my daughters Valentine box...We always used brown paper bags...Now you gotta make a box...WTF!

And don't get me started on the homework I had to do with my 4 year old...F**king insane...But I have spun out of control....Point is I was busy so I cheated on the stuffing...Sorry...

Don't cook the stuffing all the way through...Split the chops ahead of time...Season those b!tches real good...Salt, Pepper, I also used some McCormick Garlic and Onion...(good shit)...

Sear the chops in a hot skillet with a little olive oil...Pack those sexy b!tches with that stuffing...Throw them in the oven...350-400 degrees....When they are done let them sit for a couple minutes...Have a skillet hot...add olive oil...add fresh spinach...a pinch of garlic...a little S & P....toss real quick...

Serve it up and apologize for being such a pig on your blog...(that's just a reminder for myself)

Enjoy!

Go get some....

For those interested...I got some...But not the sacred BLUMPY...It's been 8 long years without one...Maybe one day...

Later, the Beeze.

Pan Seared Scallops with Roasted Garlic Mashers and Pesto cream Sauce

2009-02-04T19:01:00.004-05:00

Mrs. Beeze had a sh!t day today...

http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2009/02/e-mail-i-didnt-send.html

So we have to hook her up with a good dinner...Especially if I want to get some stank on the hang low...She loves scallops....So here we go.

First put some gloves of garlic in a small pan with Olive oil...Throw it in the oven at about 400 degrees...let it get soft, and browned...

The sauce....

If you want to buy it that's cool, but if you want to make it here you go....Fresh basil, pine nuts, garlic, salt & pepper, a tiny bit of Dijon mustard, and spinach..I use the spinach to stretch it, and brighten the color up. Throw all that in a food processor, and slowly add olive oil as it is running....you just want it to be pasty....

Then you heat some heavy cream and whisk in your pesto....set aside...

When your spuds are ready to be mixed...add the garlic...not the oil...just the garlic....mix that sh!t up good...They'll taste great...Keep the oil!!!

Lightly season scallops with a little Salt & pepper...Saute your scallops and some grape tomatoes in a little of the garlic oil...They'll only need a couple minutes each side....

To plate it up....Put the garlic spuds in the center of the plate...Put the sauce around the potaoes...Place the scallops and tomatoes on the sauce around the spuds....

Enjoy!

Later the Beeze

Rise Above It "Super Bowl" Party

2009-01-23T16:46:00.005-05:00

A friend of mine at the Fish House, like many of us lost a loved one to cancer, and since then she has throw this "Super Bowl" party to raise money to fight cancer...

So I told her I would post a little add on my blogs....So if you're in the Cleveland area on "Super Bowl Sunday" stop by the BLIND PIG...Eat, drink, watch the game, maybe win one of the door prizes, and help fight cancer...RISE ABOVE IT!

Here is a link to their site.....http://www.raibenefit.org/

Later, the Beeze.

Sweet Pepper Rubbed Flat Iron Steak

2009-01-21T22:12:00.005-05:00

I feel I skimped with the grilled cheese so here is a recipe for you meat lovers...

2 T brown sugar

2 T paprika
2 t chili powder
1 t chipotle chili powder
1/2 t ground black pepper
1/2 t garlic salt
1/2 t cumin

2 t salt

flat iron steaks this much rub should take care of at least 4 steaks, maybe 6.

Mix Paprika, salt, brown sugar, chili powder, black pepper, garlic salt, cumin, in a bowl....Rub the mixture into the steaks....Wrap steaks up in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for a couple hours...Get the grill fired up and hot....Oil that bad boy up...throw on your steaks...Cook for 2-3 minutes on each side for Medium Rare....

What is a Flat Iron Steak?

check it out......http://bbq.about.com/od/steaks/a/aa051207a.htm

Enjoy.

Catch ya later,

the Beeze.

Wednesday Dinner

2009-01-21T19:11:00.004-05:00

So I was planning a nice dinner tonight for Mrs. Beeze....Roasted Chicken Breast (on the bone...much better flavor) with Sauteed zucchini, yellow squash, onion, and mushroom....A nice Pinot Grigio....get the kids to bed and try get a little stank on the hang low....We had a good session last night...I had some bruises this morning...The Mrs. was riding hard...

Then she called and said..."I have to work late, don't worry about dinner...I'll have some cereal or something when I get home."

So I got side tracked doing some things on the computer...Then I realized the monsters had to eat...So we went to the kitchen and made some handcut fries, and some good old fashioned grilled cheese....Now that's a dinner...If you think I'm giving you my famous grilled cheese recipe, you're crazy...You could just look at the picture...

Oh, and don't worry...I'm still gonna try to get some more tonight...I'll never stop trying.

Later, the Beeze.

Sunday Dinner

2009-01-18T16:09:00.005-05:00

I was going to start a new thing, where I shared whatever I was making for dinner on Sunday with the rest of you...I was kinda excited about doing...But F**k it...You'll have to wait until next week...There is playoff football to be watched...

For dinner this Sunday we ordered Pizza, Ribs, and Wings from our nieghborhood Geppetto's Pizza & Ribs....We got a medium cheese pizza for the kids...A medium sausage, pepperoni, and green pepper, for us adults...The Mrs. wanted some of the sweet Texas bbq ribs...And I had to get some garlic & herb wings...You're welcome for the plug boys...I'll expect my next order to be on the house...

Yeah, getting our fat on today....Don't worry I've got a workout planned for tonight...Sex burns lots of calories.

Later, the Beeze.

Corn Chowder/Sex with Fatties

2009-01-16T17:27:00.003-05:00

before I get to the recipe...I have a question....I guess it's just for the guys, but ladies feel free to be disgusted....Who has had sex with a fat chick...Don't be shy...I've done a couple chunky butts in my day.....Like we say at the Fish House..."Whatever It Takes."

So I was thinking about a couple fatty moments the other day, and I have to say that the couple of fat ones I had were good....But the one thing I was thinking about in particular was, doing it in the reverse cowgirl position...This is a favorite of mine...So let's say you're with a fatty, in this position, and she's got so much of a roll, that as she's riding you, that fat is caressing/smacking your balls...I have to tell you it felt good....So who's with me...Who's done some chubby chasing in their days...Liars...You know you've done it...and now you're thinking about, and how you liked it...Ha!

How about some corn chowder?

1 large onion diced

1 green pepper diced

1 red pepper diced

6 stalks of celery diced

8-10 potatoes peeled, and cubed or diced

8 strips of bacon chopped (optional, but I recommend it)

1 T minced garlic

1 T oregano

1T basil

1 t thyme

1 t crushed red pepper flakes

2 C vegetable stock

2- 5 lbs. of corn (the amount is up to you based on how much of a corn flavor you want, and how much you want to sh!t the next day)

4 qrts. heavy cream

S & P

Saute bacon...Let it get crisp, add onions, celery, and peppers...Simmer for 3 minutes....add garlic, oregano, basil, thyme, crushed red pepper flakes, stir, simmer for 3 minutes....Add stock...simmer for 5 minutes....add potatoes...Add S & P to taste....let simmer for 5 minutes....Add heavy cream....let simmer for 5 minutes...Add corn...Let simmer for 20 minutes....Check seasoning....

Enjoy.

Later the Beeze.

Vegetable Gratin

2009-01-15T19:20:00.003-05:00

This is a great dish...You can use it as a side or as a main dish...

2 Zucchini (sliced in half moons)

2 Yellow squash (sliced in half moons)

1 Large onion (julienne)

20 potatoes (sliced like chips, but not too thin)

1 lb. shredded cheddar cheese

1 lb. shredded jack cheese

3 C seasoned bread crumbs

1 T minced garlic

1 T fresh basil

S & P

Get a big a$$ Pyrex baking pan...You know the big rectangle kind, with some good depth...Spray it with Pam or grease it up with lard, or whatever you prefer.

Quickly saute Zucc, squash & onion in a little olive oil...add the garlic and basil, and a little S & P....set aside.

Cover the bottom of pan with a layer of potatoes...Add just a little S & P....add some Zuc/Sqush/onion mix....Add a little of each cheese...Add a little bit of bread crumbs....REPEAT for a couple more layers....Put a layer of potatoes on top...Then some cheese, and S & P, and bread crumbs.

To make it a little richer I like to drizzle a liittle heavy cream over the top, and let it seep in....Bake at 350 for 45 minutes...Look for a nice golden bronze color...not brown...bronze.

Enjoy.

Later the Beeze.

PS: New joke from the knife guy this week...Check it out.

Chicken, Mushroom & Rice Soup/"The Lunch Bunch"

2009-01-10T21:32:00.004-05:00

Here's a nice easy soup recipe...I ran this today at the Fish House, for all the dummies that just had to go out and eat....You see here in Northeast Ohio, we've been under a winter storm warning since Friday afternoon...The warning goes until 1:00 AM Sunday....The roads were a mess...You had to shovel yourself out of your driveway....

But that wasn't going to stop "the lunch bunch"....That's what we call our Saturday regulars...They're the only reason we open for lunch on Saturday...It wouldn't matter if these f**kers were p!ssing $h!t, and bleeding from the eyes...Come hell or high water, they're coming to the Fish House for lunch...And these people always have special instructions....They'll order chicken fingers from our kids menu, and they'll come up with some kinda special instructions...In case you didn't know, us restaurant workers hate special instructions...These pr!cks make us nuts...Well they make us a little more nuts....Anyway, here's the soup recipe.....

1 large onion diced

1 large carrot diced

4 stalks celery diced

1 green pepper diced

2 pounds button mushrooms sliced

1/2 pound shitake mushrooms sliced (shitakes help lower cholesterol so feel free to use more)

6 green onions chopped

1 T minced garlic

6-9 chicken breasts (depending on size)

4 tomatoes diced (optional)

Chicken stock

S & P

Wild rice or white rice, whatever you prefer.(pre- cook it add when serving)

Lightly season chicken and bake at 350 for 5-7 minutes...set aside...

Saute celery, carrots, onion, green pepper, in olive oil for 3- 4 minutes....Add mushrooms and garlic....Stir and season....let simmer for 5 minutes...add chicken...stir...simmer 2 minutes...add chicken stock....bringto boil....check seasoning...Here's where you add the tomato if you want to....Lett simmer for 20 minutes....Add the rice as you serve so it doesn't turn into baby food...garnish with a pinch of green onions.

Enjoy.

Later, the Beeze.

Green Bean & Tomato Salad

2009-01-09T23:27:00.003-05:00

Here's a nice light recipe for ya....

2lb. Green Beans

1-2 pints of grape tomatoes
--

1 ball fresh mozzarella

1/2 a red onion (diced)

1 T fresh chopped basil

3 T lemon oil

S & P

Balsamic glaze

Steam green beans...just a couple minutes...you still want them crisp...Cool them right away....Slice tomatoes in half....slice mozz, or cube it, or however the hell you want it....When beans are cool toss them in a bowl with the diced red onion, tomatoes, mozz, lemon zest, basil, lemon oil, and S & P to taste.

When ready to serve/eat drizzle balsamic glaze over top.

Enjoy.

Later, the Beeze.

TFtFH: Cck Blocked by a Twt

2009-01-07T22:26:00.004-05:00

I had another title for this, but this one was a little softer.

This week Tales From the Fish House looks at me getting shot down, and the wonderful world of lesbians....So lets get to it....

Long before there was a Mrs. Beeze, I was a horny f**ker, trying to get as much as humanly possible...This was 12-13 years ago...It's kinda blurry....A new server had started at the Fish House...She was a good looking blond with nice big creamers....We'll call her Karrie...We use to call her tits for brains....So like all new good looking servers I started spittin' some game at her...

Finally one night after work about five of us, Karrie included went out boozin' after work...I was doing well, but then my toughest competition moved in....Tanya...We referred to Tanya as "the Man"....She got more a$$ then all of us guys combined...Yes Tanya is a lesbian, and a very good one at that....we're both leaving it all out on the field...This was a last man standing match now....Eventually Tanya starts acting drunker then she is..."Karrie do you think you could give me a ride home?"

Are you sh!tting me? Karrie tells the rest of us she'll be right back....Well I closed that joint, and she never came back...But I knew that was gonna happen...Tanya is Ohio's number one muff diver...Her moto..."No Muff to Tuff"...For a chick, she was c*ck strong....That night was the beginning of a 3 year relationship between Karrie & Tanya...Unfortunately it ended ugly...Karrie began seeing her ex-boyfriend on the side, and got knocked up....Tanya flipped....She sought revenge by getting every young, hot, hostess, bartender, and server to give it a try...just once...She had some repeat business...

One time I was fortunate enough to hear Tanya and this one knock-out going at it...I had plenty of beat material in my head....I didn't even make it home...I handled myself on the drive home.

Karrie is still around the Fish House...We're good friends...She lives with her baby's father, but they're not together....It's f**ked up.

How about a recipe?

This week we have Grandma McBeeze's Potato Soup...

1 green pepper...diced

1 large onion...diced

6 stalks of celery...diced

1 carrot...dice

1T garlic

6 strips of bacon...chopped

12 potatoes...chopped, cubed, whatever.

1 t basil

1 t oregano

1 t thyme

S & P...to taste

1 c vegetable broth

2 pints of Guinness

3 qrts heavy cream

Saute Bacon until crisp....Add green pepper, onion, celery, carrot, garlic....Saute for a couple minutes, and add basil, oregano, and tyme, S & P, and Guinness...let it reduce by half...add veggie broth, and potatoes....Let it simmer for 5-8 minutes...Add heavy cream, and let simmer until potatoes are soft...Check seasoning.

Enjoy.

Later, the Beeze.

Tales From the Fish House: The Whack-Job

2009-01-02T22:46:00.004-05:00

This tale may not be as exciting as some of the past ones....This one isn't full of sex and crazy drug use and all that good stuff....But some of us find it humorous....Maybe because we're sick, twisted,heartless, bastards, who get joy from other people's misery....Whatever.

The Whack-Job, we'll call her Whack-Job-K, W-J-K for short...Don't worry, give me time and I'll have a whack-job for every letter in the alphabet.

W-J-K was service manager, and she was hot....She was married to a guy I knew, but not well....He had worked for the company a long time ago...So I didn't feel bad for having thoughts of what I'd do to his wife if I wasn't married...

Anyway, she started out okay...got along with everyone....seemed like a cool chick....She was a little weak when it came to doing the books and some paper work, but she was hot, so who cares...right?

Then slowly the whack-job started creeping in....Before she hit full blown whack-job, she went into drama queen phase....There were problems at home and everybody had to know....from the servers, to the dishwashers, to the costumer, to me....F**king everybody.....Soon anyone who set foot in the Fish House hated this dude...."what a jerk''..."what an a$$hole"..."I can't believe he would say that"...Then the Sh!t hit the fan.....W-J-K comes in one afternoon crying, her face bruised and beat up....She let's it be known her old man did this....I'll be honest, there were some of us ready to throw this guy a beating....But the boss told us to stay out of it.

As time goes by the drama grows, she's sitting in the office crying and listening to the Cure....Everything makes her cry....Then some of us get the drunken phone calls in the middle of the night...."why am I so alone?" "I'm so lonely"..."why can't I be loved?" She even called the Fish House in the middle of a Saturday night service....My one boss made me take the call, I was closer to the phone....There I am sauteing and having to listen to this drunken women cry and babel....and I actually feel bad for here....Anyone else and I would have been pissed.

Now here comes the kicker....W-J-K comes in again beat up and freaking out...The boss sends her home after his shoulder is soaked with tears...A little while later we hear from multiple people...some employees....some other people who work i n the area, that W-J-K was seen beating herself, with her shoes, in her car....WTF!!! Are you sh!tt!ng me?

Now this couldn't be real right? F**k yeah it was. We later found out from people who worked with her at her last job caught her in the act...B!tch beats herself with her shoes, and says her husband did it....I guess you can't blame him for leaving.....I just want to say this again...She beat herself up with her shoes....WTF!!!

Now after that happy tale, how about a recipe...This is one Mrs. Beeze loves.

Pan Seared Scallops with Braised Spinach

The first thing you need to do is chop up some bacon strips. (3-4)

Slowly cook the bacon in a skillet...I like to use cast iron...Get it three quarters cooked....Drain some of the bacon grease, but not all...Then add some nice, fresh scallops to the pan...just season with a little S & P....They don't take long...after you turn them over add some fresh spinach...You're just getting warm, but keeping some of the crispness...Throw it on a plate pour some wine, or beer, and stuff your gob....After that, take you clothes off and see what happens.

Enjoy.

One last thing...I added something to my sidebar called Jokes from the Knife Guy....This guy comes in every week and can't leave without sharing a joke. Check it out.

Later, The Beeze.

The BEEZE'S Holiday Balls

2008-12-26T19:00:00.004-05:00

I told you they were BIG. I wanted to share one of the easiest recipes I've ever done with you. My wife got it from a friend at work...She was raving about them all the time....So we were having family over on Christmas Eve and she wanted me to make this meatball recipe....They're kinda like BBQ meatballs....This may sound gross....it did to me, but they came out awesome....I love these freakin' balls....So now they are my Holiday Balls.

Here's the recipe.......

1 JARS OF GRAPE JELLY - 2 lbs

2 JARS OF CHILI SAUCE - 12 oz each

2 or 3 BAGS OF MEATBALLS (ALREADY COOKED) - 1 pound each (regular, not Italian)

MIX TOGETHER IN CROCK POT

COOK A FEW HOURS

That's it.

Give my balls a try, and let me know what you think.

Later, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: Holiday Edition

2008-12-23T22:29:00.005-05:00

Back for more Tales from the Fish House? This week I thought with it being the season of giving, I would share some tales from the many company Christmas parties the Fish House has had.

We've all heard the stories of office Christmas parties, where the boss is nailing his secretary, and the hot insecure chick is walking around with mistletoe just to be sure that guys pay attention, and keep her self-esteem up....Eventually she'll go home with one of them, or just go to a bathroom stall and get used, and continue to feel insecure...Then there's the creepy dude from the mail room...But this year some chick is going to get to know him. Really get to know the inner him...until she gets hammered, and then all she knows is he got in her, and everyone knows it.

Well Fish House parties weren't much different...I say weren't because the rich guys stopped having them when the realized they could make more money if they're open on Christmas Eve, instead of throwing a party for their hard working employees....But we had some good ones....I'm just gonna throw some examples at ya....But before that.....

You have to understand many of us in our youth really liked to drink, and maybe even liked to try out some drugs. Restaurant people work in restaurants because the white collar world frowns on us....Why? Because we don't hide our vices, and we tend to speak our mind....and we think sexual harassment is bullsh!t. That said on with the tales.....

One of the first things I think about, when I think about the good ole days is one of the owners of the Fish House, dressed up like Santa, with a bottle of vodka in one hand, and a 2' bong in the other, and a server, dressed like a slutty elf grinding on him....My how he's changed.

Then there was the GM who's wife was upstairs looking for him at the party, while he banging a server in the office...many of the staff members knew about this, because they kept going into the office to steal his blow, and watch the show...Everyone seemed to forget to tell him his wife was there. I was sitting with the kitchen manager at doing shots of whiskey, as we did a little play-by-play of the festivities.

There was one year I was getting sh!t faced with this server, and she is just going on, and on about being engaged, and she doesn't really love him, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....So after many drinks I got her to re-think this whole thing...She came home with me and spent Christmas Eve with the Beeze...She later broke things off with him, but we were just a X-mas Eve one-nighter... She his happily married to an old friend of mine now....See everything works itself out.

I remember one year, one of the owners wives coming up to me with mistletoe....Yeah, she was that chick....and yeah we made it to a stall...I did what I had to do, and so did she....I didn't feel bad about it at all...You want to know why? Her old man was in the stall next to us with a server....F**king freaks!!!

I think that should give you an idea...hell I'm getting a chubby just remembering all this sh!t.

Alright, how about another recipe....

You're gonna need more party ryes for this one. (see previous post)

This is a Corned Beef and Swiss Appetizer.

1pkg (8oz) Philly Cream Cheese (softened)

2 t. Grey Poupon

1/4 lb. corned beef (chopped)

1/2 cup Kraft Shredde Swiss Cheese

2 T chopped green onion

Party ryes

Pre-heat broiler.

Beat cream cheese, and mustard in medium bowl with electric mixer. medium speed. Blend well.

Add corned beef, swiss cheese, and onion. Mix well. Spread onto party ryes.

Place on baking sheet, broil for 3 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Merry Christmas....Keep cooking, and keep F**king.

Later, The BEEZE.

Hanky Panky

2008-12-21T16:44:00.004-05:00

Sorry, I meant Hanky Pankies. Hanky Pankies are my favorite Holiday snack...Although those two chicks above look pretty tasty.

Now Hank Pankies aren't really a Holiday snack, but they've become a holiday tradition for my family....My Mom got the recipe many years ago from my Aunt at a Christmas party....From that point on she always made them around Christmas time...No other time, just Christmas.

I have kept the same tradition....They're easy to make, but for some reason, I only make them around Christmas....I just made a double batch today.

Here's the recipe......1 batch

Party Ryes

1 lb. of Bob Evans Sage Sausage

1 lb. Ground Beef

1 lb. Velveeta

1 t. of Oregano

1/2 t. Garlic salt

1 t. Worcestershire Sauce

S & P to taste

Saute meat and sausage in pan, add oregano, garlic salt, Worcestershire sauce, and s & p....When cooked, drain off the grease.

Cut Velveeta in chunks, and add to meat....low heat...mix...cover...mix well.

Let it cool a little...spoon on to party ryes....put them in the freezer.

When you're ready to eat them just heat them up in the oven at 350.

Enjoy....I'm gonna go stuff some in my gob right now.

Later, The BEEZE.

Pleeze Mrs. Beeze Chicken

2008-12-17T16:46:00.003-05:00

This is a chicken dish my wife loves...I hope you enjoy it.

Take some extra virgin olive oil...mix in some fresh chopped basil, and some minced garlic.

take a couple of chicken breasts...still on the bone...much better flavor....Brush the oil, basil, and garlic mix on the chicken....add salt & pepper...Put them on a baking sheet and throw them in the oven at 350 degrees.....

after 20 minutes (time may vary based on size of breasts)....yeah I just had a dirty thought.....Put a nice slice of tomato on top of the chicken....Then on top of that put a nice slice of fresh mozzarella cheese...the good stuff.....

Put the chicken back in for 5 minutes...let that cheese ooze all over.

While that's going on saute some spinach in some olive oil, and garlic...don't forget S & P...there's no reason not to season.

Put spinach on plate....Put the chicken right on top....drizzle balsamic glaze over top of it all...If you can't find a balsamic glaze in the store, just reduce balsamic vinegar with some sugar in it...

Eat, enjoy, and have some sex.....

Later, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: Tapping the Keg

2008-12-16T23:41:00.003-05:00

So this weeks tale is from back in my youth...My early 20s...I was a perv, and a loud mouth, and hit on everything that moved...So not much has changed.

There was this server...we'll call her Maureen...She was cool...Good looking...Liked to drink...Liked to poke some smot....We hung out, and had a friendly relationship....And when I say we had a friendly relationship, I mean there was some oral sex involved.

So one day I'm being a smart a$$ and I say, "Hey Maureen, you wanna go down to the beer cooler and let me tap your keg?" I know...It's a sh!t line....Whatever, I was f**king around. She says "I'll meet you in 5 minutes." Now I assume she's just f**king around right back.

A few minutes later I head down to the produce cooler to restock some stuff. The beer cooler attached to it...What do I see? Maureen waiting pants around her ankles, bent over a keg....'Are you sh!tting me?' is the thought in my head...The thought in my pants was 'Fuck Yeah!!!'

Now Maureen had what a black friend of mine called a "ghetto onion." Which means she had a nice, big, firm, a$$. How could I walk away?

So I close the door and head on over to get to work....As i was moving her panties to the side, she says....."F**k me in the a$$." I believe I heard a choir of angels singing....Who am I to say no to that request.

So that piece of sh!t line worked, and I tapped that keg. We continued to screw around for a little while, but she didn't last long....She wasn't a very good server. I think she quit, because she was getting the sh!tty shifts...pun intended. Once she left I didn't see her anymore.

I'm gonna skip the recipe tonight...I've got a bunch of stuff to get done for Christmas....Speaking of Christmas, if you haven't heard the world is getting a little to PC on Christmas now. Check it out....

http://thebeezewax.blogspot.com/2008/12/rudolph-bannedwtf.html

Later, The BEEZE.

Restaurant Review: Bistro On Lincoln Park

2008-12-16T16:13:00.003-05:00

Originally posted Dec.14, 2008.

Tonight Mrs. Beeze and I went out for dinner at a new restaurant in Cleveland. As the title says it's called Bistro On Lincoln Park...here's a link to there site.....

http://www.bistroonlincolnpark.com/

A couple we have been friends with for a number of years own it. I had worked with Pete (owner and Chef) for many years, he's a great guy and very talented. His wife Megan, whom I've also worked with handles the front of the house.

The place looks great and they are doing well...It's surprising how many people are going out to eat with the economy being so bad....especially in this town.

But lets get to the good part....To start I had the Chorizo Blini - Spanish Manchego Cheese, Marinated Cabbage, Chipotle Sauce...It was great. The Mrs. had the Seared Sea Scallops - Corn Soufflé, Butter Poached Baby Leeks, Potato Gaufrette...very good.

Next I had the Venison Bolognese - Braised Venison, Fresh Fettuccini & Venison Ragu....F**king Awesome!!! Yeah, I ate some Bambi, and it was great.

The wife had the Steak & Frites - Hanger Steak and House-Made Fries...One of the most tender pieces of meat I've ever had.

I was drinking Heineken, and she was drinking Pinot Grigio....I made sure the wife never had an empty class...she's willing to get a little freakier when she's good and boozy.

For Desert she had a banana upside down cake, and I had the cookies and milk....I'm not sh!tt!ng you....Everything is made in house and fresh....The cookies are cooked to order....They were the gooiest, most outstanding f**king cookies I have ever had....And yes they were served with a small class of milk.

It was outstanding.

After that we sat at the bar for one more drink, and shot the sh!t with the bartender, who was also an old friend. Then we headed home...The car ride was nice as I convinced the Mrs. to drop and gobble...That's right, there's no head like road head.

When we got home, I paid off the sitter....Do you know what these f**kers charge? $10 dollars an hour...$10 dollars an hour to watch tv with my kids, tell them when to go to bed, and text their friends....Nice gig...I think I overpaid her...I wanted her out...Mrs. Beeze was in the mood to be dirty...Game on!

So after trying out a couple new moves, and doing a few things I shouldn't talk about, I broke out they jackhammer and finished off the Mrs. for the night. she passed out, and I like all loyal fans checked out the Rangers on the DVR...The boys bounced back after a bad loss last night and won 3-2 in a shoot out...Way to Henrik.

I know this isn't my normal style of posting...except for the sex talk....but I try to keep this blog real, honest and open. Often I get on here and rant, but I want to share the good stuff too....I had a great night, and I wanted to share the highlights...I tend to open up more after booze and sex.....That and I wanted to give my friends a free plug.

Later, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: That Guy

2008-12-16T00:18:00.003-05:00

Originally posted Dec. 9, 2008.

Back for more? I knew you would be. Now let's remember the names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

This time around I'm going to introduce you to one of the many freaks from the Fish House. Tonight we meet a guy by the name of Tammy Nova....Yes I said guy, named Tammy Nova. We'll get to why he has been given a female name in a minute.

Tammy is that guy...The guy who wants to be the man...And it's his desire to be the man, and willingness to do anything to help his standing with the man, that leads to the man using and abusing the $h!t out of him....He's a dummy....He's going nowhere....nobody likes him because he's a kiss-a$$ and a back stabber....And the man sees this crap, so he doesn't like him, but he uses the hell out of him, because Tammy doesn't get it.

Tammy is the guy that everyone rips on....They'll do it right in front of him, and he doesn't even get it...He stands there and laughs too....If there are 6 people in the kitchen, including Tammy, the other 5 will be in on the joke and dude just plays along like he's in on it too....Dummy you're the joke!!!!

Maybe this all sounds harsh....well it's a harsh business, with people who aren't cut out for the white collar world....we believe in only the strong survive...And Tammy has lasted a while now, so maybe his stupidity is what keeps him strong.

Now why do we call this dolt Tammy Nova? Well on his very first day at the Fish House he comes at us with this (I should first tell you that when he speaks he sounds like he has a mouth full of sh!t)....."Have you ever hooked up with a chick, and then found out she was a dude?" "What !!!" Along with a puzzled expression on our faces, was our response....He then replied with..."It's not gay, she's having all the right operations." Hold on a second dude...She isn't having the operations....He is!!! A dude is a dude, and you hooked up with a dude.

Strike One......okay we all make a mistake sometimes...we don't all hook up with dudes but whatever.

The next warning came a little while later when he told us about when he worked at Johnny Rockets and on Halloween the whole staff dressed up...He dressed as a chick.

Strike Two......okay now we're seeing a trend.

He's always done creepy gay stuff, and don't start getting PC on me....I work in the restaurant business, I know gay people, I have gay friends, the best male servers are gay, I'm all for gay marriage...Why should us straight people be the only ones to suffer.

Any who, recently Tammy hit us with this. See I run a Fish House Fantasy Football league, and Mr. Nova is in it. We all like to bust balls, and make side bets on our games....the $1000 pot isn't enough for us degenerates...So Tammy was facing this big dolt of a server...total meat head...We'll call him BD...short for Big Dummy. So Tammy wants to make a wager with him....He says to BD, "If I win you have to dress like a chick and go out with me to the bars." WTF!!! BD was like "what the f**k is wrong with you? F**koff."

Strike Three......game over....If the saying you are what you eat is true...Then dude is seriously hungry for a d!ck sandwich.

Every kitchen has that douche that nobody likes, ours just happens to be a closet case....Now we're all waiting for him to come out and see who he hits on first.

Tonight's recipe....Lobster and Goat Cheese Ravioli with Pesto cream sauce.

Now you can find pre-made raviolis at some good stores and specialty shops, but if you want to make your own here it is....

Get raw pasta sheets...we have a great place called Ohio City Pasta, they make great stuff. Layout the sheet, use a round cookie cutter, or ring mold, and press it down through the dough. Layout your round doughs and brush them with a little egg wash...then you put a little of your filling in the middle, put another dough on top, and pinch the edges together.

Now for the filling....take a pound of fresh chopped lobster meat, some fresh chopped herbs, (basil, chives, rosemary) some softened goat cheese (4-8 oz.depending on how goat cheezey you want it) salt & pepper. Mix in all together in a bowl...use your hands...get dirty...food is sexy...messy hands are sexy...sorry I get a little into sometimes.

Sauce...If you want to buy it that's cool, but if you want to make it here you go....Fresh basil, pine nuts, garlic, salt & pepper, a tiny bit of Dijon mustard, and spinach..I use the spinach to stretch it, and brighten the color up. Throw all that in a food processor, and slowly add olive oil as it is running....you just want it to be pasty.

Then you heat some heavy cream and whisk in your pesto.

Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it. Also thanks for reading my other crap. the wife just caught up on my blog today...I thought I was going to be in trouble....But she's cool about me telling everyone everything...and she liked how I picked myself apart a little in the last Monday Moaning...Mrs. Beeze is the Sh!t.

Laterr, The BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: Creating Life

2008-12-15T23:18:00.004-05:00

Originally posted Dec. 2, 2008.

It's time for another installment of Tales from the Fish House. Now I recently wrote about my daughters birthday party, so I thought I would share a tale that is a little more personal....You may be asking...What's more personal then walking in on a dude laying the wood to some chicken scraps?

Well this tale is about me, and Mrs. Beeze. In this tale we'll call her FMB...Future Mrs. Beeze...We fell in love at the Fish House. It's a tale of love, and passion, and the exchange of bodily fluids.

FMB was a server, and I was a sous chef who frequently used the word F*CK in any and all possible context. Sous chef is the nice way of being called the chef's b!tch. We had both been in long term relationships, and we were both unhappy in them. As we got to know each other better, working on a daily basis, and going out drinking after work, we realized we had to break it off with the dummies we were dating.

After that we started dating. When I say dating I mean, going out drinking after work, and then having lots and lots of sex. Always with protection. Now some of you may be thinking....Beeze, you had sex before you got married? YEAH!!! I'm not gonna buy a car without seeing how it handles...My c**k. Oops. (starting to get a little dirty)

So a couple months go buy and I proposed to her. That's how good she handled. The night we got engaged, we went out to dinner, then we hit a bar. It was kinda the bar a lot of my family hung out at...so we went there to let everyone know. One of my Dad's friends (a Cleveland Plain Dealer sports writer) tried hitting on FMB. In mid-sentence he passed out.

After hours we went to the Fish House. We had some drinks and started getting it on. I wasn't too drunk, because I said..."I don't have any with me". Any being condoms. She said it's okay, it's safe right now. So we start going at it. On a table, and then on the bar. I always wanted to bone someone on the bar.

Now at the bar there is this thing with all the tap handles. We always called it the mushroom head...because that's what it looked like. At one point I'm sitting on it, and FMB is on me...going to town. Well to this day, the mushroom head is dented. Dented with the impression of my a$$. Think about that next time you get a draft.

A little later I get to that point. That point where I'm going to unleash a load with the fury of God's own thunder. I inform FMB of this and she says "it's okay."

So the BEEZE let it fly.

Well 3 weeks later we found out it wasn't okay....I puked....Then we made plans to get married a week later in Niagra Falls.

I'm happy to say, we've been together almost 8 years now, and we still get it on as much as we can. We also have a 4 year old son....Another product of Mrs. Beeze not knowing her cycle....But I can't imagine my life without them....although I can imagine all the extra money I would have.

So you know that wasn't the first time I got it on in the Fish House. Next week I'll have something a little more twisted for you.

This weeks recipe.

Tomato Basil Bisque

1 large onion chopped

1 green pepper chopped

1T of minced garlic

1 #10 can of tomato strips

1 cup fresh chopped basil

4-8T of sugar (depending on how sweet you want it)

salt & pepper to taste

1 quart of heavy cream.

Saute onion, pepper, and garlic in a little oil....add tomato...stir...add basil....let simmer....add sugar, S & P....add cream....let simmer....20-30 minutes. Blend it if you want that "Bisque" consistency. Or if you like leave it chunky and hearty.

Hope you enjoyed my perverted tale.

Later the BEEZE.

Tales From the Fish House: The Chicken F**ker

2008-12-15T22:53:00.004-05:00

Originally posted Nov. 25, 2008.

Welcome to the first installment of "Tales from the Fish House". Once a week I will share a story from my many years in the restaurant business, along with one of my own recipes. These tales, for the most part won't be clean. There are some sick people in the food service industry....Myself included. If you don't know what I'm talking about, see the movie "Waiting...." It's hilarious, and yes, some of us are that f**ked up. These events are true...The names of the not so innocent have been changed.

For the first tale, I'm gonna go way back. I was 19 years old. I had jobs in kitchens since I was 13, but now I was in the big leagues...Summer, fine dinning seafood restaurant, run by a group of managers who couldn't stay sober for four hours....And when it came to perverts, these sick f**ks were the kings.

Back then we got our grated parm delivered in cartons, like milk cartons, but bigger. When they were empty, we washed them out and kept chicken scraps in them for when we made stock. We had found a couple with holes in them, and wonder what the hell is that about. Most of the time those got thrown away, but I can't be sure they did all the time.

So one afternoon, my boss Bill(a short, angry, drunk bastard), and I were shootin' the sh!t heading into the walk in cooler. He was going to get some fish to cut, and I needed to restock a few things on the line. We open the door and walk in....and there it is....One of the sickest things I've ever seen....This stoner, prep cook, named Ken, is cramming his ram rod into a carton of chicken scraps. I am not sh!tting you.

My boss's face was the reddest red you have ever seen. I thought his head was going to explode. Ken the prep cook, had that Oh Sh!t look on his face. You know that look....the look that only a stoner who is balls deep in a box of chicken scrap can have.

Bill starts screaming, "get the f*ck out of my restaurant before I f**king kill you! You f**king a$$h*le...What the F**k is wrong with you? Get the f**k out!"

There's nothing like seeing a stoner trying to figure out if he should pull his c**k out of the chicken before he runs, or if he should try and run with the box of chicken on his junk. It was hilarious...gross, but hilarious.

Maybe I'm just twisted....Okay I am. That was when I knew I was in the big leagues. I hope that doesn't ruin your Thanksgiving dinner.

Now, how about a recipe.

This time of year, we always need snacks, here is a salsa I make that my wife and a bunch of her friends like.

STRAWBERRY MANGO SALSA

2 Mangoes...peeled and diced

2 pints of strawberries diced

1 green pepper diced

half of a red onion diced

1 T of sugar

1 T of chives

1 t of minced garlic

1 T fresh chopped basil

couple dashes of hot sauce (the amount of heat is up to you)

salt & pepper to taste

Size of the dice is up to you...however chunky you like it.

Mix and serve....I like to serve it with Pita chips, but any chip will do.

I hope you enjoyed my tale, and I hope you try the recipe. Don't be afraid to come back next week for seconds.

Thanks for reading, The BEEZE.

The Beeze's Tales From the Fish House

The Beeze Reviews Melt

The Beeze Reviews Johnny's Bar

The Beeze Reviews Dina's Pizza & Pub

The Beeze Reviews The Bistro on Lincoln Park...Again

The Beeze Reviews The Melting Pot (take 2)

The Beeze Reviews the Melting Pot

The Beeze's Cookout Quiz

The Beeze Reviews Alto Cucina

TFtFH: The tale of Saintly Sally

Stuffed Pork Chops with Saueed Spinach

Pan Seared Scallops with Roasted Garlic Mashers and Pesto cream Sauce

Rise Above It "Super Bowl" Party

Sweet Pepper Rubbed Flat Iron Steak

Wednesday Dinner

Sunday Dinner

Corn Chowder/Sex with Fatties

Vegetable Gratin

Chicken, Mushroom & Rice Soup/"The Lunch Bunch"

Green Bean & Tomato Salad

TFtFH: C*ck Blocked by a Tw*t

Tales From the Fish House: The Whack-Job

The BEEZE'S Holiday Balls

Tales From the Fish House: Holiday Edition

Hanky Panky

Pleeze Mrs. Beeze Chicken

Tales From the Fish House: Tapping the Keg

Restaurant Review: Bistro On Lincoln Park

Tales From the Fish House: That Guy

Tales From the Fish House: Creating Life

Tales From the Fish House: The Chicken F**ker

TFtFH: Cck Blocked by a Twt